How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
