Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
