Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
