My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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