508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
