omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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