I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
