His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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