yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Everyone says I win the strip club
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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