you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
