a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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