our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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