When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
