end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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