I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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