Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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