Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
