even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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