Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
