So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
