Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
