i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
