i was born a porn star she said
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
we should paint friendship bongs
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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