you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I love how my cats smell like pot.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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