He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
