Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
