is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
