Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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