And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You pole danced in your parka.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
