hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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