He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
