I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
