so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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