Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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