yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
