So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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