Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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