He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
