It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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