Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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