I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
