and you said cock pushups were impossible
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
