just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
