I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you would pick up someone in the library
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
