The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
