Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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