she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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