i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
