are you so shy because you have an std?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
