I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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