Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
