Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
