No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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