the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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