Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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