someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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