She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
