it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
