So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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