he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
