Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
