I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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