PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
