Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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