Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
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