just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
