Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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