Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize