Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
