last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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