just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
