you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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