i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize