walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
