just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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