what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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