I wish my penis had an off switch
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
