Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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