My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Church boner. Awkwardddd
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
