just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize