I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
