Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
