Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
3pm strippers are depressing
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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