We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
