It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
