Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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