She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
