I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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