Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
