sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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