I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
