YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
