I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
