i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
