Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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