I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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