And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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