Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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