In the future we'll all be gay
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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