Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
