So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I enjoy the company of your penis
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
