Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
