i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
