she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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