my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
