you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize