btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
