sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
