i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
