you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize