let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
