My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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